i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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