nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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