Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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