if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she looked like the before picture.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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