Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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