Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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