Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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