Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just invented taco cereal.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
