It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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