I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
