So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize