i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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