her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
