what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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