I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I still have a little drunk in my system
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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