I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
