Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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