i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
