just come out here and I will go home with you...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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