I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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