Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
