Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
