cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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