I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sex in a hospital.. check
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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