Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
