Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
