Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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