I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize