Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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