Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize