so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
