no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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