do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
