Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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