I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
