One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
