I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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