Rock
Scissors
Fuck
oh god the rape fog is back!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
