Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
