sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
