like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
