pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
