so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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