Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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