I CAN MOONWALK!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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