My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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