first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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