There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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