you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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