check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize