I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
