Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize