i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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