Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
