I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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