Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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