Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
