You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
