The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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