Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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