the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
