I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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