If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
