I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
