Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
