just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
