he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
