Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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