He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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