had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
