I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
