That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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