Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
