i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
