Soap is not a condiment
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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