I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
