It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
