She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
