Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Randomize